Effect 37's Ultimate Entertainment List

Everyone has their own favorite entertainment products, and there are countless top five or top ten lists to find everywhere online. Sounds like a great idea- but I'm not satisfied with silly lists that leave any room open for debate. No, I want something monumental- something that chisels the point in concrete, and records it for all time as a fact of existence!

Therefore I present to you... Effect 37's Ultimate Entertainment List!



Category: Best Movie of All Time

Winner: Lord of the Rings, Return of the King

Why: Seriously, there's simply no denying the sheer brilliance of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Since this category is a single movie, I'm forced to choose Return of the King- but in actuality, the whole trilogy is one long movie filmed at the same time- the whole trilogy should win. But, if you have to choose one of the three, this is the end-all-be-all. Perfect acting, perfect casting, perfect plot, perfect dialogue, perfect action, perfect special effects... I give up- everything about it is perfect. What could you change to improve it? Absolutely nothing whatsoever- this is the bar for which all movies aim- if you can pull off art this great, you've done something truly amazing. And no one has yet to do it since its release. (Relax, Dark Knight- box office doesn't tell the whole story.)

Where critics are wrong: Comparing movies to their source material, in this case the books, is pointless. They are two different interpretations of the same universe, and have nothing to do with one another. Therefore purists complaining of plot changes or character issues in relation to "how they should be" are wrong- there's no "should be", as the movie universe is its own telling of the story.

Also, the movie is not too long. Movies that are an hour and a half are rip-offs. Movies that are 3 hours are epic, and when they are this good- worth more than your ticket price. Even the extended version isn't too long when captured in such a genius way. Each "finale"/good-bye sequence is necessary, and touching. Again- you're wrapping up an epic tale... if they all looked at each other and said "good job", then went their own ways, it would be a major let down.


Category: Best Television Show of All Time

Winner: Lost

Why: Is an explanation really necessary? Never before in television history has there been a show so unique, so original or so thought-provoking. It is television's first true active television viewing. The brilliance of the character stories, the depth of the mysteries, the edge-of-the-seat/can't wait until the next episode suspense- not to mention the mind-melting twists that no one, anywhere, sees coming. This show redefines what is possible when genius produces a product and is given the support it needs from its network- enough time and money to tell the single best story that's ever been told, in any format.

Where critics are wrong: Sorry, "Heroes" (which everyone must admit, is simply "Lost, Jr.") doesn't cut it. Copy the same elements as the hit Lost, then remove the thing that makes Lost so brilliant- the active participation. Instead, Heroes provides a mystery, and before your brain can register it, the mystery is resolved- so you don't strain a brain cell. No, intellectual minds need not apply here. Heroes is fun, but there are countless shows far superior.

Lost drags on too long without answers? Nonsense. One of the most common misconceptions of the show is that there are filler moments or episodes. Let me make this clear: There is NOTHING in Lost that is filler. No character. No scene. No moment. Everything is a clue (or a red herring), everything fits into the overall scheme, and everything is necessary for the answers to make sense at the end.

Oh, and speaking of answers... two things: Lost will not have one simple, neat "answer" to the show's mysteries. You're talking about matters of time, space, theoretical physics and spirituality here... the answers will require thought and understanding. And to top it off, the only appropriate way for Lost to end is with some mystery remaining. Mystery is the soul of the show, and to have nothing to wonder about left is not likely to occur.


Category: Best Computer Game of All Time

Winner: Spore

Why- wait, WHAT? It's not out yet! Tough cookies. I never said something needed to be touched to be the ultimate winner. And in this case, Spore takes the prize. Simply based on gameplay footage, awareness of game design, and a taste of the creature editor provided this past summer... it's clear that thousands of people are going to spend years on this product. This is one of those few games that come out that you will be playing when you're another ten years older. Probably even twenty. You're talking about a product where you could spend 60 years *in real life* playing and not see everything. 60 years! That's gameplay value! Infinte creatures to create and encounter... I'll probably spend no less than 3 months off the bat creating creatures over and over before even getting into the gameplay. Add in a perfect multiplayer system- grab everyone's creations, but take away the annoying people and turn control over to the AI... the perfect single player game! Have fun making a community that shares its creatures, but no juveniles to ruin your gaming experience. Perfection!

Where the critics are wrong: Sandbox games do get boring, after time. You're not wrong there. It is true that after playing Spore for a while, you will get bored and look to other things. That is true of all games. The difference is- you will always, always come back to Spore, because it will always be new when you return. Even more so than classics like Civilization IV and Diablo 2, the gameplay will be more unique upon returning, as there will be so many options in what you do each time, and how your creatures evolve into their society.


Category: Best Musician or Band of All Time

Winner: Prince

Why: The God of Music is the whole deal, more so than anyone ever has been in music's history. He has the genius of Mozart, the business chops of Donald Trump, and the creativeness of Picasso or Monet. His albums never contain a single filler song, and his "worst" effort isn't far out of the same league as his nearest peers. Despite single-handedly leading the charge to combat the corrupt recording and radio industries in fighting for artist's rights to control their music, he is still given award after award, lifetime achievements hand-over-fist, and sells all his albums by the millions- each and every year. He was one of the earliest pioneers of musicians dealing with fans, music and sales on the web, and even now continues to fight for artist copyright protection against the lawlessness of the internet. He's got enough music in his vault to continue to release a new album each year after his death for 50 to 100 years (based on the date of his death, of course.) As they do now, future generations will study his music at leading musical schools long after many of the bands of today are forgotten.

Think Prince hasn't impacted your listening choices? Think again- 60 percent of the music you hear has direct influence from him... a large chunk of it may even possibly be songs he's written for others. Master of dozens upon dozens of instruments, he's one of the only artists out there who does the whole process- writing, recording, playing, mixing, marketing, packaging and selling- always to critical rave and financial success. His sound is always strong, but also always changing- many people are stuck in 1984, but Prince has proven he's been progressing as an artist all along. He's won an Oscar, had an award-winning Joffrey Ballet performance run nationally to sell-out crowds, sold billions in concert tickets, setting records for his ticket sales, and even recently managed to perform in the most critically and fan-acclaimed Superbowl halftime show, ever.

Where the critics are wrong: There's people's taste in music, and then facts about musical abilities. You can't deny the talent, the awards and the actions he's taken. The amount of charity he raises is extraordinary, often anonymously donated. A true rags-to-riches story, he is an ultimate role-model, worthy of emulating unlike so many other artists out there. His music skills have only improved over the years- there's no finer guitarist that's lived, he surpassed Hendrix a while back. While other bands and artists have more global fame or sales, just like in all cases- sales and income aren't the full story. No one has come before or since that has come close to measuring up- and perhaps never will.


Category: Best Album of All Time

Winner: Purple Rain

Why: While it is a touch cliche to choose- this album hardly is unused to winning the highest prizes. Even a recent Entertainment Weekly chose it as the best album of the past 50 years, and countless other books and magazines have labeled it the best ever or best of the 80's. As with all his albums, there is no filler material- each song is top-of-the-charts quality and truly memorable. There is a timeless quality to the music that few albums succeed at achieving. Most albums of the 80's sound dated, and yet this work sounds as appropriate today as it did 24 years ago. Anthemic, fluid and simply pitch perfect, you could spend five lifetimes as an artist trying to achieve a work this ideal, and most bands and artists will never come close to such success. While Purple Rain is by no means Prince's best overall work, the sales, timelessness and worldwide popularity of this album require it to beat out his other potential throne takers such as Sign O' The Times.

Where the critics are wrong: For the thousandth time, sales are not the only measure of success. There are countless albums and bands that will always be known by all, yet they never achieved something of this magnitude. The Beatles are sound, but the music is always dated- you know you're listening to something old and dusty. Elvis has his hits, but is a running impressionist gag- and his one-trick singing style simply doesn't match the unique range that only Prince has. You can show me who's made more money... but you can't show me who's done it better, and more successful than Purple Rain.


Category: Best Book/Book Series of All Time

Winner: The Shannara Series by Terry Brooks

Why: The only other possible winner is Tolkein's legendary Lord of the Rings epic- but Brooks' Shannara takes the Rings stakes and ups them to epic times ten. With unforgettable characters even more memorable than Lord of the Rings, the Shannara quests are monstrously good reading that simply dares you to ever come close to putting the book down. Evolving over the years, continuing to stay fresh yet within the amazing universe he's' created, Brooks has managed to create a tale that even those who hate fantasy can not only relate to, but love. Combining all of the best elements of storytelling into such riveting plots and unforgettable moments is not an easy task, yet he pulls it off without a hitch- each and every book of the series. If you haven't read this series yet, you are missing out, period.

Where the critics are wrong: Shannara is indeed less known than Lord of the Rings, that's a given- but remember the golden rule: sales and popularity doesn't equate to better. Shannara does everything a step higher- and is so much more deep of a universe. Helping it win is the fact that Brooks is still releasing new efforts into the series as we speak- continuing to progress the work while maintaining the excellence of the original that started it all.


Category: Best Ultimate Entertainment List

Winner: Your own!

Why: The above list is only my own "Ultimate List"- there's no other person on the planet that could create the perfect list for me, but myself! Same for you- don't let others tell you what's the best... think for yourself and come up with your own Ultimate list- let the world know what you think! Why don't you share your "Ultimate List" below (don't worry, you can give the short version!)

Where the critics are wrong: Who cares what critics are saying? They can't speak for you- nor should you let them. They don't know what you like!

If you're not claiming your list to be "Ultimate" for anyone other than yourself, how could anyone possibly disagree? There's simply no being wrong when you declare your love of your favorite entertainment sources for the whole world to hear!