Effect 37's Ultimate Entertainment List

Everyone has their own favorite entertainment products, and there are countless top five or top ten lists to find everywhere online. Sounds like a great idea- but I'm not satisfied with silly lists that leave any room open for debate. No, I want something monumental- something that chisels the point in concrete, and records it for all time as a fact of existence!

Therefore I present to you... Effect 37's Ultimate Entertainment List!



Category: Best Movie of All Time

Winner: Lord of the Rings, Return of the King

Why: Seriously, there's simply no denying the sheer brilliance of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Since this category is a single movie, I'm forced to choose Return of the King- but in actuality, the whole trilogy is one long movie filmed at the same time- the whole trilogy should win. But, if you have to choose one of the three, this is the end-all-be-all. Perfect acting, perfect casting, perfect plot, perfect dialogue, perfect action, perfect special effects... I give up- everything about it is perfect. What could you change to improve it? Absolutely nothing whatsoever- this is the bar for which all movies aim- if you can pull off art this great, you've done something truly amazing. And no one has yet to do it since its release. (Relax, Dark Knight- box office doesn't tell the whole story.)

Where critics are wrong: Comparing movies to their source material, in this case the books, is pointless. They are two different interpretations of the same universe, and have nothing to do with one another. Therefore purists complaining of plot changes or character issues in relation to "how they should be" are wrong- there's no "should be", as the movie universe is its own telling of the story.

Also, the movie is not too long. Movies that are an hour and a half are rip-offs. Movies that are 3 hours are epic, and when they are this good- worth more than your ticket price. Even the extended version isn't too long when captured in such a genius way. Each "finale"/good-bye sequence is necessary, and touching. Again- you're wrapping up an epic tale... if they all looked at each other and said "good job", then went their own ways, it would be a major let down.


Category: Best Television Show of All Time

Winner: Lost

Why: Is an explanation really necessary? Never before in television history has there been a show so unique, so original or so thought-provoking. It is television's first true active television viewing. The brilliance of the character stories, the depth of the mysteries, the edge-of-the-seat/can't wait until the next episode suspense- not to mention the mind-melting twists that no one, anywhere, sees coming. This show redefines what is possible when genius produces a product and is given the support it needs from its network- enough time and money to tell the single best story that's ever been told, in any format.

Where critics are wrong: Sorry, "Heroes" (which everyone must admit, is simply "Lost, Jr.") doesn't cut it. Copy the same elements as the hit Lost, then remove the thing that makes Lost so brilliant- the active participation. Instead, Heroes provides a mystery, and before your brain can register it, the mystery is resolved- so you don't strain a brain cell. No, intellectual minds need not apply here. Heroes is fun, but there are countless shows far superior.

Lost drags on too long without answers? Nonsense. One of the most common misconceptions of the show is that there are filler moments or episodes. Let me make this clear: There is NOTHING in Lost that is filler. No character. No scene. No moment. Everything is a clue (or a red herring), everything fits into the overall scheme, and everything is necessary for the answers to make sense at the end.

Oh, and speaking of answers... two things: Lost will not have one simple, neat "answer" to the show's mysteries. You're talking about matters of time, space, theoretical physics and spirituality here... the answers will require thought and understanding. And to top it off, the only appropriate way for Lost to end is with some mystery remaining. Mystery is the soul of the show, and to have nothing to wonder about left is not likely to occur.


Category: Best Computer Game of All Time

Winner: Spore

Why- wait, WHAT? It's not out yet! Tough cookies. I never said something needed to be touched to be the ultimate winner. And in this case, Spore takes the prize. Simply based on gameplay footage, awareness of game design, and a taste of the creature editor provided this past summer... it's clear that thousands of people are going to spend years on this product. This is one of those few games that come out that you will be playing when you're another ten years older. Probably even twenty. You're talking about a product where you could spend 60 years *in real life* playing and not see everything. 60 years! That's gameplay value! Infinte creatures to create and encounter... I'll probably spend no less than 3 months off the bat creating creatures over and over before even getting into the gameplay. Add in a perfect multiplayer system- grab everyone's creations, but take away the annoying people and turn control over to the AI... the perfect single player game! Have fun making a community that shares its creatures, but no juveniles to ruin your gaming experience. Perfection!

Where the critics are wrong: Sandbox games do get boring, after time. You're not wrong there. It is true that after playing Spore for a while, you will get bored and look to other things. That is true of all games. The difference is- you will always, always come back to Spore, because it will always be new when you return. Even more so than classics like Civilization IV and Diablo 2, the gameplay will be more unique upon returning, as there will be so many options in what you do each time, and how your creatures evolve into their society.


Category: Best Musician or Band of All Time

Winner: Prince

Why: The God of Music is the whole deal, more so than anyone ever has been in music's history. He has the genius of Mozart, the business chops of Donald Trump, and the creativeness of Picasso or Monet. His albums never contain a single filler song, and his "worst" effort isn't far out of the same league as his nearest peers. Despite single-handedly leading the charge to combat the corrupt recording and radio industries in fighting for artist's rights to control their music, he is still given award after award, lifetime achievements hand-over-fist, and sells all his albums by the millions- each and every year. He was one of the earliest pioneers of musicians dealing with fans, music and sales on the web, and even now continues to fight for artist copyright protection against the lawlessness of the internet. He's got enough music in his vault to continue to release a new album each year after his death for 50 to 100 years (based on the date of his death, of course.) As they do now, future generations will study his music at leading musical schools long after many of the bands of today are forgotten.

Think Prince hasn't impacted your listening choices? Think again- 60 percent of the music you hear has direct influence from him... a large chunk of it may even possibly be songs he's written for others. Master of dozens upon dozens of instruments, he's one of the only artists out there who does the whole process- writing, recording, playing, mixing, marketing, packaging and selling- always to critical rave and financial success. His sound is always strong, but also always changing- many people are stuck in 1984, but Prince has proven he's been progressing as an artist all along. He's won an Oscar, had an award-winning Joffrey Ballet performance run nationally to sell-out crowds, sold billions in concert tickets, setting records for his ticket sales, and even recently managed to perform in the most critically and fan-acclaimed Superbowl halftime show, ever.

Where the critics are wrong: There's people's taste in music, and then facts about musical abilities. You can't deny the talent, the awards and the actions he's taken. The amount of charity he raises is extraordinary, often anonymously donated. A true rags-to-riches story, he is an ultimate role-model, worthy of emulating unlike so many other artists out there. His music skills have only improved over the years- there's no finer guitarist that's lived, he surpassed Hendrix a while back. While other bands and artists have more global fame or sales, just like in all cases- sales and income aren't the full story. No one has come before or since that has come close to measuring up- and perhaps never will.


Category: Best Album of All Time

Winner: Purple Rain

Why: While it is a touch cliche to choose- this album hardly is unused to winning the highest prizes. Even a recent Entertainment Weekly chose it as the best album of the past 50 years, and countless other books and magazines have labeled it the best ever or best of the 80's. As with all his albums, there is no filler material- each song is top-of-the-charts quality and truly memorable. There is a timeless quality to the music that few albums succeed at achieving. Most albums of the 80's sound dated, and yet this work sounds as appropriate today as it did 24 years ago. Anthemic, fluid and simply pitch perfect, you could spend five lifetimes as an artist trying to achieve a work this ideal, and most bands and artists will never come close to such success. While Purple Rain is by no means Prince's best overall work, the sales, timelessness and worldwide popularity of this album require it to beat out his other potential throne takers such as Sign O' The Times.

Where the critics are wrong: For the thousandth time, sales are not the only measure of success. There are countless albums and bands that will always be known by all, yet they never achieved something of this magnitude. The Beatles are sound, but the music is always dated- you know you're listening to something old and dusty. Elvis has his hits, but is a running impressionist gag- and his one-trick singing style simply doesn't match the unique range that only Prince has. You can show me who's made more money... but you can't show me who's done it better, and more successful than Purple Rain.


Category: Best Book/Book Series of All Time

Winner: The Shannara Series by Terry Brooks

Why: The only other possible winner is Tolkein's legendary Lord of the Rings epic- but Brooks' Shannara takes the Rings stakes and ups them to epic times ten. With unforgettable characters even more memorable than Lord of the Rings, the Shannara quests are monstrously good reading that simply dares you to ever come close to putting the book down. Evolving over the years, continuing to stay fresh yet within the amazing universe he's' created, Brooks has managed to create a tale that even those who hate fantasy can not only relate to, but love. Combining all of the best elements of storytelling into such riveting plots and unforgettable moments is not an easy task, yet he pulls it off without a hitch- each and every book of the series. If you haven't read this series yet, you are missing out, period.

Where the critics are wrong: Shannara is indeed less known than Lord of the Rings, that's a given- but remember the golden rule: sales and popularity doesn't equate to better. Shannara does everything a step higher- and is so much more deep of a universe. Helping it win is the fact that Brooks is still releasing new efforts into the series as we speak- continuing to progress the work while maintaining the excellence of the original that started it all.


Category: Best Ultimate Entertainment List

Winner: Your own!

Why: The above list is only my own "Ultimate List"- there's no other person on the planet that could create the perfect list for me, but myself! Same for you- don't let others tell you what's the best... think for yourself and come up with your own Ultimate list- let the world know what you think! Why don't you share your "Ultimate List" below (don't worry, you can give the short version!)

Where the critics are wrong: Who cares what critics are saying? They can't speak for you- nor should you let them. They don't know what you like!

If you're not claiming your list to be "Ultimate" for anyone other than yourself, how could anyone possibly disagree? There's simply no being wrong when you declare your love of your favorite entertainment sources for the whole world to hear!

"Clone Wars"- Hated by Many, Loved by Me!

I'm used to being the only person to seemingly like most everything that comes out now. I've mentioned on numerous occasions how jaded the younger generations are nowadays.

It's no surprise to me then, that such useless critic sites such as "Rotten Tomatoes" (or as I refer to it- "Waste of Bandwidth") give the new Star Wars movie a lowly 18 rating.

I don't give ratings, nor presume that my opinions on any entertainment product have any relevance to another person- I simply am giving my opinion on the item in question as a source of entertainment and interest, rather than attempting to claim expertise over others and/or stop them from participating in an entertainment source that they might enjoy quite a bit.

The new Star Wars- Clone Wars movie, as you may or may not know, is simply a big screen showing of some episodes from the upcoming television show edited into movie format. The good news in my world is that this movie was great! Why? Let me break down my reasons...

1.) Action from beginning to end. Not an exaggeration- the longest scene with no action in it lasts perhaps 30 seconds. You go from war to more war to lightsaber battle to more war to more lightsaber battles to yet more war.

2.) No "cheesy" dialogue. While I don't agree this was true of Episodes 1-3, the plot (which seems kind of stupid at first glance, Anakin and a Padawan need to rescue Jabba the Hutt's kidnapped son) makes total sense and is actually exciting. The banter between Anakin and Asohka is great and the story is well constructed.

3.) The voice acting is superb. Mace, 3P0 and Count Dooku are all voiced by the actual actors, but if you can convince me that Obi Wan is not a clone of Ewan McGregor (pun intended) kudos to you.

4.) The action sequences are classic Star Wars. Epic, hairy and fun. Typical Star Wars fare- lots of action with humor thrown in.

5.) Asohka is a great character and her banter with Anakin is outstanding- she's a great role model for younger female Jedi-wishfuls in the audience.

6.) None of the things people hated about Episodes 1-3 are present in this movie- and therefore are unlikely to appear in the TV series when it makes its way to TV soon.

7.) The animation style is very, very cool.


Yet despite me obtaining these beliefs after viewing the show, others are having the exact opposite opinions. Frankly, I can't speak on their behalf, but in my opinion (again) on the matter, what is occurring is two-fold.

Part one of the issue is that people (particularly younger ones), find out what is "the word" on things- The Matrix was awesome, until "The Word" came out that the two sequels were bad. Upon leaving the theater for "Revenge of the Sith", I heard no less than 12 people gushing about how amazing the movie was... two days later, "The Word" came down that "it sucked", and therefore the opinions changed. It's just not a fun place to be in, when you're in the minority- so it's a safer choice to follow the crowd and rip on things that you enjoy than it is to stand on your own and speak up against the majority.

Part two of the problem, specific to Star Wars, is that people aren't using their brains when it comes to the recent movies. What is it Star Wars fans want? They want repeats of 4-6. They complain that Anakin and Padme had wooden dialogue, and the story was sappy, and so on, so forth.

Yet, the time the movies occur in is different. Padme is a former queen and eventual senator- she's not a "lowly" Princess from a casual world- she's been bred to be a formal statesman, and therefore would speak in such a clipped and proper fashion. She's not going to be as loose and free as the fiery Leia is years later. Same for Anakin- this is the era of Jedi's still. Anakin is raised in the caste-system of the Jedi, very formal and etiquette based. He's not going to speak or act like Luke- who is nothing more than an adolescent farmer. It would make no sense!

Therefore, much of the complaints of poor dialogue and/or acting really don't add up- we know from other movies that Natalie Portman and Hayden Christiensen are great actors... We know Lucas is a great director. How can you take three great people and create something subpar? I don't believe you really can... I think it becomes an issue where the audience is longing for the past, and unwilling to set aside their stubbornness and move into the future.

So, I personally loved this new Clone Wars movie- and look forward to the TV series when it hits the airwaves. Obviously others aren't going to follow, so it looks like what would have been another quality television show will end up cancelled early- but of course, this is the price that is paid when living in a society of jaded young things who aren't going to find entertainment that will ever please them.

Get These Five Women Leading Roles, Already!

There are obviously a large number of actresses in the world all vying for a limited number of roles... but it is a real shame when great talent is being bypassed while others are landing coveted leading roles.

Here's Effect 37's top five list (in no particular order)... you may know just a few or all of 'em! Give some love to your top five in the comments!

1.) Emilie de Ravin- We see her on the already-legendary television show "Lost", and some became fans during her stint on "Roswell"... I personally fell for her goddess-like looks (and those eyes!) when she was a young demon on "Beastmaster" (hey... at least one or two other people watched that!)

While I'm thrilled she's part of the Lost legacy (and an important part, at that)... once she's done it's far past time for her to be the lead- I think she'd be an amazing new (less "crazyish") Sharon Stone in film, taking on some adults-only roles- she could easily hold her own sexual chemistry against any leading man on screen.



2.) Brit Morgan- This absolutely mouth-watering blonde has a large secondary role on the new ABC Family show "Middleman"- and while the leading lady of that show Natalie Morales would have been on this list if she didn't already have her own show, Brit seems to steal almost every scene she's in! With her looks and talent, she would fit into any role offered- and such an offer should be made a.s.a.p.!



3.) Lake Bell- You've seen Lake, possibly on Boston Legal or on the short-lived sci-fi series "Surface" (which shouldn't have been canceled, but I digress...) Her performance on Surface proved she is fully capable of leading a show- and just because that particular show failed, she shouldn't be ignored for other possibilities. With her striking looks, she fits into sexy roles easily enough- but this is one woman smoothly capable of playing smart just as easily. Get this woman a doctor, scientist or lawyer show, stat! (Preferably one where her character enjoys modelling lingerie in her spare time, though- we don't want to hide that body! =P)



4.) Claudia Black- One of the current queens of sci-fi, there's no reason whatsoever to buck this trend. Claudia became famous here in the U.S. for her role on the beloved and classic Farscape series, and has since delved even further into the hearts of sci-fi geeks everywhere with her addition to the end seasons (and new movies) of Stargate: SG-1. She's proven she's fluent in the genre, she's got killer comedic chops and is beautiful to boot- get her into the lead in another sci-fi show, before I shoot you with my Ion gun. (My Death Star's in the shop.)



5.) Jill Wagner- While currently laughing her ass off on the sidelines of (the quite admittedly funny) summer popcorn show "Wipeout", this is a criminal underuse of her talent. Lately she's done some guest stints, particularly on Stargate: Atlantis as a tough and sexy challenge for the leading male. (Bring her back, and more often, Atlantis!)

Jill did have her own leading shot before on Spike TV's "Blade" effort, and was a true delight- this show should never have been canceled... it was just the right amount of sexy and had interesting characters. Still, it's all proof positive she needs her own leading spot... give me an interesting action show with her able to use her body to maximum effect and I'm there.

After all, there's a reason just about every single guy in the country has at one time or another asked "Who's the Mercury girl?" (Yep- that's her making you subconciously a Mercury fan!)

X(-Files) Marks the Spot

I've always wanted to believe.

Believe that they never canceled the X-Files, and that each week a new one was waiting for me to enjoy. From its deep mythology that everyone can associate with, to the wonderfully deep and eerily detailed creepy characters fliterring about in the shadows up to who knows what nefarious deeds.

Thankfully us X-Files fans have the upcoming Fringe by the already-legendary J.J. Abrams (Alias, Lost) soon to arrive on our TVs in order to fill the gaping hole we've felt since Chris Carter's show left the airwaves (or, depending on whom you ask, once David Duchovny left the show- I personally enjoyed the show after his departure well enough.)

But before we move on to Fringe, we get another treat to the team that started it all with the release of "X-Files: I Want To Believe" in theaters this week. I'm sure if you're a fan, you want to believe it's good. Is it?

Certainly that question is always up to each individual- leaving the theater today I heard someone mumbling about how bad The Dark Knight was... and I can't comprehend the mind that can interpret the Dark Knight as "bad". But, everyone has their own tastes! What of the X-Files, though?

The thing I like best about the movie was that it is in essence a movie-length stand alone episode of the show. Roughly 7 years have passed since the first movie, and as such life has moved on. I'll leave it to the movie to fill you in on what's going on with Mulder and Scully (I'm anti-spoilers, always) but suffice to say if you have never seen the X-Files, you really wouldn't be in the dark whatsoever seeing this film. It is clear enough who these people are and the relationship they have through the story. This is a necessary move for many shows that make the leap to the big screen, as you can't assume someone is going to know every last detail. Plus, it's been years- who remembers other than the truly diehard fans? (I don't remember what I had for dinner yesterday!)

The story itself is what you'd expect on any week of the X-Files- nothing more, nothing less. This being the case, I anticipate the "casual" fans of the X-Files (those who love the show and have seen most or all of the episodes) will enjoy it just fine. It's not going to rock your world, or leave you thinking "that was the most amazing thing ever!" You'll should still feel like you got your money's worth- the acting alone is well done enough to cover that cost.

If, however, you've never seen the X-Files, while you will understand this movie (as I mentioned, it's quite clear for the newbies) you probably will think you've seen better "cop"/suspense movies. On the same hand, I feel like X-Files diehards- those who tape X's in their windows and/or have written Mulder and Scully slash fiction will likely be disappointed. It's a hard call, but with the level of jadedness in today's entertainment crowd, I am guessing the fanboys are going to feel the film is too "mundane".

In fact- the one thing you'd think would be involved in an X-Files plot would be aliens/ufos to some degree... nothing of the sort in this case. The plot is actually something not too far-fetched from what goes on in real life. In a way, this makes it all the better for me, as Mulder and Scully's relationship drama seems to hit home with more impact. By showing them in a less science-fictiony styled world, it makes their travails all the more potent and touching.

Should you see it? As always, your call- only you'll know for sure if this is going to appeal to you. And I can't tell you if you'll like it or not. For this X-Files fan, it was a happy trip back to a beloved story franchise that is missed dearly. Seeing Mulder and Scully up on screen just felt "right", again.

And I certainly hope there's more to believe in in the form of more X-files movies to come.

Batman Defeats All Records... And Starts an Online War.

Unless you live in a cave, you are fully aware that the newest entry in the current Christopher Nolan-directed Batman franchise swooped into theaters this past weekend, sweeping every record imaginable under its long, dark cloak with more likely to follow in the coming weeks.

Time article on Dark Knight's Record-Breaking Weekend

Yet, even when a movie of such critical and public acclaim comes along, it seems there in no pleasing some people. Certainly not everyone is going to like the same things, nor should it be demanded that they do. But there's a level of hatred in the critics that makes one stop to scratch their heads and wonder why these people are so far off the page from everyone else.

Case in point? Examine film critic David Edelstein's review of the movie.

Now certainly Mr. Edelstein is entitled to dislike any particular movie he desires. And, as his "job" (and I use that term loosely, as I find "Critic" to be just underneath "Supervisor of Watching Paint Dry" in terms of usefulness to society) he is entitled to put out a negative review, warning the ten people that will makes their film viewing choices based on his comments not to go see the film and instead revel in the glory that is "Space Chimps".

No, it's not about David Edelstein that I'm referring to when I say "critics". It's about the people in the comments. All of those people at the bottom of any discussion online concerning the new movie, hidden behind the anonymity of netnames, cyberspeak and devastatingly broken grammar. Take a moment and read some of the comments on his review and others across the internet. I'll wait here, promise.

There are a "large" amount of people online speaking up in support of Mr. Edelstein's view that the movie is too dark and societally bleak. Yet the converstaion goes farther than that- people are bringing concepts into their view of the movie as if it relates to real life. That's right, some are blasting the movie because it's too reflective of the times we live in, and that this desensitizes (younger) viewers from the horrors of killing people, regardless of whether you are wearing clown makeup or not.

Anyone coming to the defense of the movie, say, by pointing out it is in fact a movie and not, in fact, reality, are being grouped into the ever-popular "fanboy" grouping and dismissed as not worthy enough to discuss the film.

I certainly don't know what's in the water that's causing this level of hatred online, but is it not possible to hold opposing views without viciously attacking each other? While I cannot personally comprehend what someone would not like about "The Dark Knight", I am not about to label them an idiot or begrudge them their choice. Yet, I'd like to see some compromise from their side as well in not dismissing the opinions of those who loved the movie simply as frothing drones who serve at the whim of the Batman marketing department.

Want proof of this phenomenon? Check this blurb out on IMDB.

One thing is for certain- love it or hate it, Batman is the new Knight of the box office, and where his records are set, more of the same will follow in an attempt to recapture the largest opening in movie history.

Though it may have been dark, it was a very dark green for Hollywood.